Storm clouds, rain, and walking in puddles. A beautiful and super articulate day, obviously. Blahh.
Responses<3
-Ell: Don't even worry, I completely know where you're coming from. I know it's not just a silly little "diet", I just refer to it as that out of my natural inner snarky sarcasm, which doesn't translate that well into writing. It's not a good life, I know. For me, this has happened in cycles for years. Loss, gain, healthy, fucked,loss, gain, and so forth. This last year has just happened to be when it's gotten the worse. I'll explain more about it in future posts, since it's long and super complicated, aka I'm too lazy to type it out tonight. I do adore your absolute honesty and truthfulness and actually prefer it to anything else. Thank you<3
-americaneaglelove: Haha, thank you. That's all so true, it happens at the absolute worst moments. No worries though, the good thing about living with a large family is that somebody is always willing to take extra candy and whatnot.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Downers and Candy Apples.
Keeping goals in sight and not losing focus can be more difficult than physically doing the task at hand.
Want to know something absolutelydelicious disgusting? At work we received new candy apples for fall. There's turtle (pecans and caramel), caramel and peanut, and get this.. smore. It makes me want to vom. The worst, worst, worst part though is that they only have a two week shelf life. After that, we have to take them home or throw them out. Of course, my boss decides to give them to me to take home. I can't say no and offend her, right? Uuuughhh. I. Hate. Food. End of fucking story.
Harrro 238423892893432 pound weight gain just by looking at these devil apples. I would literally die if I woke up one morning back to 250+ pounds. It seriously makes me ill to think about it. Just focus on these next 8 pounds.. Anybody who's ever had more than thirty pounds to lose knows that you can only focus on it a certain amount at a time. Or you won't be able to lose anything at all. You get discouraged, you cry, work hard, get even more discouraged, throw an all caps rage, and. then. quit. All that work for nothing, kiddos.
Want to know something absolutely
Harrro 238423892893432 pound weight gain just by looking at these devil apples. I would literally die if I woke up one morning back to 250+ pounds. It seriously makes me ill to think about it. Just focus on these next 8 pounds.. Anybody who's ever had more than thirty pounds to lose knows that you can only focus on it a certain amount at a time. Or you won't be able to lose anything at all. You get discouraged, you cry, work hard, get even more discouraged, throw an all caps rage, and. then. quit. All that work for nothing, kiddos.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Welcome to the War
I want anybody who ever reads this to know that I'm not doing this for anybody but myself. I'm stuck in Hell and need an outlet. I figured this would be sufficient enough. Anywhore..
I figured that I need something to keep my mind off of the gruesome ticking clock and that this would help. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I'm currently on what some would call an "extreme diet". I'm hungry, tired, weak, and just happen to be near the end of a two day fast. That would explain my awful mood and inability to make any sense whatsoever.
I started this diet last summer and lost 30 pounds. During the winter I started working at a candy store, smart I know. I ended up gaining back almost all of the weight I lost. Gross, yes. And I'm not just, "Oh, she's chubby, how adorable with her chubby little cheeks and chubby little walk." I'm fat. FAT. Obese. Not an, "Oh, you only have twenty pounds to lose, how adorable with your chubby little cheeks and chubby little walk!" I'm talking about one hundred and thirty pounds total, from the start of my high weight, if I'm doing my math correctly. Let's get it out there now, I'm not a fucking mathematician. Anyhoe, that's a whole person. It's pretty gross. I've lost almost 50 of it and am getting closer to being out of the 200's. It would be lower, but I have a tendency of getting off track and fucking things up, obviously. Maybe now that I'm getting this out of my mess of a mind, it will be easier to not break the diet.
The best part of losing almost 50 pounds and living in a small ass hick town? Everybody notices. Oh, it isn't a good thing. The rumors start. The snarky comments start. Is she ON DRUGZ? Trust me, if I were on drugs again, these people would be a lot easier to handle. Blech.
My favorite part is being asked how I did it. Oh, you know, vegetables, no soda, NO snack foods, eating less than 500 calories a day, parking farther back in the parking lot, not eating at all for days on end, fruits, puking up what I have ate, and don't forget exercise! It's a cheery list, as you can tell.
This isn't a glamorous life. It grabs you and sucks you in like a dirty, dirty, whore. I'm not a real person anymore. I'm a monster.
I figured that I need something to keep my mind off of the gruesome ticking clock and that this would help. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I'm currently on what some would call an "extreme diet". I'm hungry, tired, weak, and just happen to be near the end of a two day fast. That would explain my awful mood and inability to make any sense whatsoever.
I started this diet last summer and lost 30 pounds. During the winter I started working at a candy store, smart I know. I ended up gaining back almost all of the weight I lost. Gross, yes. And I'm not just, "Oh, she's chubby, how adorable with her chubby little cheeks and chubby little walk." I'm fat. FAT. Obese. Not an, "Oh, you only have twenty pounds to lose, how adorable with your chubby little cheeks and chubby little walk!" I'm talking about one hundred and thirty pounds total, from the start of my high weight, if I'm doing my math correctly. Let's get it out there now, I'm not a fucking mathematician. Anyhoe, that's a whole person. It's pretty gross. I've lost almost 50 of it and am getting closer to being out of the 200's. It would be lower, but I have a tendency of getting off track and fucking things up, obviously. Maybe now that I'm getting this out of my mess of a mind, it will be easier to not break the diet.
The best part of losing almost 50 pounds and living in a small ass hick town? Everybody notices. Oh, it isn't a good thing. The rumors start. The snarky comments start. Is she ON DRUGZ? Trust me, if I were on drugs again, these people would be a lot easier to handle. Blech.
My favorite part is being asked how I did it. Oh, you know, vegetables, no soda, NO snack foods, eating less than 500 calories a day, parking farther back in the parking lot, not eating at all for days on end, fruits, puking up what I have ate, and don't forget exercise! It's a cheery list, as you can tell.
This isn't a glamorous life. It grabs you and sucks you in like a dirty, dirty, whore. I'm not a real person anymore. I'm a monster.
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