I want anybody who ever reads this to know that I'm not doing this for anybody but myself. I'm stuck in Hell and need an outlet. I figured this would be sufficient enough. Anywhore..
I figured that I need something to keep my mind off of the gruesome ticking clock and that this would help. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I'm currently on what some would call an "extreme diet". I'm hungry, tired, weak, and just happen to be near the end of a two day fast. That would explain my awful mood and inability to make any sense whatsoever.
I started this diet last summer and lost 30 pounds. During the winter I started working at a candy store, smart I know. I ended up gaining back almost all of the weight I lost. Gross, yes. And I'm not just, "Oh, she's chubby, how adorable with her chubby little cheeks and chubby little walk." I'm fat. FAT. Obese. Not an, "Oh, you only have twenty pounds to lose, how adorable with your chubby little cheeks and chubby little walk!" I'm talking about one hundred and thirty pounds total, from the start of my high weight, if I'm doing my math correctly. Let's get it out there now, I'm not a fucking mathematician. Anyhoe, that's a whole person. It's pretty gross. I've lost almost 50 of it and am getting closer to being out of the 200's. It would be lower, but I have a tendency of getting off track and fucking things up, obviously. Maybe now that I'm getting this out of my mess of a mind, it will be easier to not break the diet.
The best part of losing almost 50 pounds and living in a small ass hick town? Everybody notices. Oh, it isn't a good thing. The rumors start. The snarky comments start. Is she ON DRUGZ? Trust me, if I were on drugs again, these people would be a lot easier to handle. Blech.
My favorite part is being asked how I did it. Oh, you know, vegetables, no soda, NO snack foods, eating less than 500 calories a day, parking farther back in the parking lot, not eating at all for days on end, fruits, puking up what I have ate, and don't forget exercise! It's a cheery list, as you can tell.
This isn't a glamorous life. It grabs you and sucks you in like a dirty, dirty, whore. I'm not a real person anymore. I'm a monster.
I don't want to sound like a dick, but here goes. You're going to have to hear it sometime, if you haven't already. This life is not a good one. Despite the odd happy days, it's truthfully fucking horrible. It's not a diet. I just want to say that the best way to lose weight and keep it off is to eat healthily and exercise. I just wish that I had been able to turn back before it was too late, and I thought you deserved to think about your options before you get too far into this.
ReplyDeletePlease don't hate me. I'll support you with whatever you choose. I just wanted to warn you. <3